The Secret to Unhappiness
Why is happiness such a hot topic? Why are we attracted to happy people? Why are we jealous of people who seem to be happy and wish we could be like that? What is the secret to our unhappiness?
This month is the Jewish month of Adar, it is the only month of the Jewish year when we are instructed to be happy for an entire month. Not only that but Jewish tradition demands that we always increase when it comes to good and holy things, so each and every day of Adar we need to increase the level of joy from the day before. A tall order it seems, especially since so many people have challenges and struggles just being happy at all, let alone increasing it.
What is it about happiness that makes it so attractive? And what is it that is the root of our unhappiness? And why is it that Jewish people seem to suffer more from unhappiness then others?
Each one of us is made of two parts, part animal part G-d. That makes us human. The part of G-d in us is naturally happy, the animal in us struggles with happiness.
Since deep down we are happy and that is a natural state for us, we crave that feeling. We want to be back in that soulful happy state.
The greatest obstacle to happiness is conflict, especially inner conflict. When our lives are not aligned and centered around who we are, we cannot be happy. This is why Jewish people can suffer from unhappiness more then others. Jewish people have a greater inner and outer conflict then most of the other people. For one we live in a non-Jewish environment and we have to constantly shift from expressing our Jewishness to fitting in to a non-Jewish world. Inwardly we are conflicted as well. The demands of Judaism are great, 613 commandments that affect every aspect of our lives. Am I a good Jew? Can be a gnawing question for us.
Especially today when we are being pulled in so many directions already, thanks to technology, our lives have become even more conflicted and divided. Only increasing our inner and outer conflicts.
So how do we achieve happiness? How do we resolve this conflict? For that we have a Torah, a road map for resolving this conflict. A path to aligning and integrating all of our seemingly diverse, conflicted and different roles and tasks.
There is a way to express who we are in every activity we do. We can express our Jewishness in every aspect of our lives.
Years ago it was enough just to study the Torah and it commentaries. Today our conflicts are greater and therefore we need to go deeper into the Torah to be able to resolve this deeper schism. For that we have Kabbalah and Chassidut, it is the soul of the Torah and through it we can connect even the most seemingly diverse things.
There was once a young camel talking to its mother and inquiring about the various features camels are born with:
Young Camel: Mom why do we have such flat feet?
Mom: To walk in the sandy desert
YC: Why the hump on our back?
Mom: To store water in the hot desert
YC: Why the thin slit for our eyes?
Mom: To keep the desert sand out of our eyes
YC: Then Mom, what are we doing in the Bronx Zoo?
When we align our life with who we are then we can remove the conflicts in our lives both inner and outer, and we can allow our soul to shine through and experience our natural happiness.
In the 1950’s there was a Rabbi of a Reform congregation on the East coast by the name of Herbert Wiener. He wrote a book 9 ½ Mystics. For one of his mystics he interviewed the Rebbe. One of his questions to the Rebbe was; how come the young Chassidim look so naïve? The Rebbe responded that he was mistaking the look of someone who has no inner conflict with naiveté. These young men have no major inner or outer conflict, because the Torah they study resolves that for them and that is what you are seeing in their eyes.
When we can take small steps to reducing our conflicts we will open ourselves up to experiencing true happiness.
May our small efforts be the final step needed to usher in the era of Moshiach about which it says, “Then our mouths will be filled with happiness and laughter”.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Zalman Marcus