A Love Letter to G-d
“When I first met you I knew you would bring me eternal happiness and for that I loved you. After getting to know you I have come to appreciate how much you do for me and for that I love you even more. Now I have come to realize that I really want to be there for you and love you, not because of what you have done for me or what you will do for me but because I want to be there just for you”.
The process of love is evolutionary, it evolves over time. When two people first meet their connection and attraction is rooted in what the other person can do for them. How they look, speak, think, act etc. all play a role in why we find the other person attractive.
After we commit to one another we do things for each other that then creates a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the other. “You take such good care of me… You have helped me so much” are some of the sentiments we feel for someone who is doing things for us. These feelings help us feel love for the other person.
The ultimate love is when it is not just about me, but when I can be there completely for someone else.
In order to reach true love we need to be able to transcend ourselves, to rise above ourselves and love the other.
If you do something for me and therefore I love you, do I really love you or myself? If you make me feel good and therefore I love you, do I love you or myself? So how do I reach transcendence?
Transcending one’s self is a long term project and one that requires habits to help us become transcendent.
The very first step is simply doing things that you know the other person would want. If they deeply love something and you can do that for them, you are beginning the process of self transcendence, especially if you don’t necessarily appreciate it or find it difficult to do. For example you know that your spouse really appreciates when you call if you are running late, and for whatever reason you find it difficult to do or you don’t appreciate why that is so important. If you go ahead and begin to do the activity of calling when you are late despite your own difficulties with it, you have begun the process of self transcendence.
Do something today that will begin or further your transcendent journey. Do something for your spouse that you know they really would like and that you find difficult, do a mitzvah for G-d even though you don’t completely appreciate or understand it. Make this a regular part of your life, add this to your list of good habits and watch your love increase many fold.
After that we come to realize that this is not just a habit that leads to true love, but actually this is the truest expression of my deepest love.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Zalman Marcus