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Rabbi's Blog

Remodel Your Foundation

Friday, May 28, 2010 - 3:40 PM

Remodel Your Foundation

What happens to you when you are in a crisis? Are you prepared? Who is the real you? Can you do anything about the real you?

Do you know who you really are? What happens when the ground under your feet becomes very shaky, you are no longer on solid ground, when your very foundations of life are in question? Many of us have experienced this in various ways; it could be the economy, your parents or other role models that have failed you or a serious illness in the family.

We come to rely on certain foundations and many times they are taken out from under our feet. When that happens we go back to a place in our brain and psyche that is kind of our core. Similar to people who have learned a language when they were older and how they revert back to that original language when they are in distress. So to we have a certain pattern in our brain that is our original language or way of thinking about life and we revert to that way of thinking in difficult times. This is our foundation, the real me. Which is why we see different responses to crisis, some respond with strength and some break down. The ones who are strong have a strong foundation that they fall back on while the others don’t.

Where does that foundation come from?

The foundation is developed when we are young and is a combination of our in-born personality and the educational, cultural, religious and family environment we grew up in. Your parents, teachers and role models played a role in shaping your foundation. Your peers and siblings can also influence your foundation as well. The way you think of yourself, your outlook on life, your belief system are all products of your personal predisposition and your environment.

The foundation of every building is its most important element and for the most part is not seen and therefore taken for granted. Our own foundations are also not seen and many times taken for granted until it is sometimes too late.

What exactly is a foundation of life?

It is our belief system, what we believe.

1. What we believe about our selves; am I a good person, capable, successful or am I no good, a failure and hopeless. As long as things are good I don’t have to think about these heavy and deep things, however when my world begins to crumble those beliefs will guide my reaction. People, who at their core and in their foundation, think of themselves as failures will fall apart, while those that think of themselves as successes will stand strong.

2. What we believe about the world; is the world inherently good or bad? If we believe it to be good then when things go south for us we still maintain our faith that things will get better if not we begin to lose hope and give up.

3. What we believe about G-d; is G-d a personal, caring and capable G-d, or distant, impotent and impersonal or something in between. If you believe that G-d is good and personal and knowing that ultimately G-d is in control then everything that happens even the very difficult wont crush the person. If one believes that G-d is not in control then life can be crushing at times.

Can you change your core, your foundation?

It is easier to build a life foundation when you are young, but you can and many times must change it as you get older.

If you are a parent, a mentor or a role model take the time to think about how you can influence their foundation of life and how you want their foundation to look like.

For ourselves we need to think about our own personal foundations and how we can remodel them. Instead of waiting for a crisis to find out how strong your foundation is, try improving it and reflecting on it now.

How can you change or improve your foundation?

It is changed by education, role models, healthy relationships and praying. (Yes praying, praying is not just asking G-d to help you, but also the time we are supposed to take what we have learned intellectually, apply it to our selves and make real changes.)

What happens if you are in a crisis and you are finding that the foundation you thought you had is not there? What if you never had a strong foundation, what do you do then? Is there any hope?

Every person has a hidden foundation deep in their soul and no matter what kind of foundation you have built based on your personality or environment, your hidden foundation is always there, it is strong, perfect and accessible. That is why you can find people who do not have a strong foundation yet are able to find hidden strength in times of extreme need.

Are there any practical tips to remodeling my foundation?

There are many practical applications of this.

1. The first thing is to always start with the smallest and the easiest, start practicing being stronger and having a stronger foundation with small and easy things. Find areas in your life that with little effort you could change your attitude and foundation, whether it is in family issues, friends, economic. For example when you have a small crisis don’t run away from the problem take it head on, try studying Torah in an easy and non threatening way; like going online and listening to lectures about Jewish values and faith (www.torahcafe.com or www.jewish.tv), or by giving a small amount of charity to the cause of your choice even though you don’t have a lot of money. These are 3 small ways to improve and remodel your foundation.

2. One of the best things that will help in remodeling your foundation is finding a spiritual mentor or guide, someone that can get to know you and give you objective advice. As our sages have said, “Get yourself a teacher/guide/mentor”. Helping your children understand the value in this at an early age can really help them as they grow. If you would like one, CJC helps people find spiritual mentors, you can contact CJC at [email protected].

May we merit to have the ultimate teacher/mentor/guide, Moshiach, who will guide us all out of this exile and bring us to a state of redemption, a time when our foundation will be solid and everlasting.

Happy remodeling!

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

Resolve your conflicts

Friday, May 21, 2010 - 2:14 PM

Resolve your conflict

Do you suffer from conflict? Do you get along with your family and friends? Are there people in your life you can’t be in the same room with? Are your spiritual and physical worlds balanced? Are your heart and mind aligned?

If you don’t have any conflict then you’re probably a rock that lives on a deserted island, in other words we all have some conflict in our lives. We may have creative ways of avoiding seeing and feeling those conflicts but conflicts we have. Men and women, parents and children, employers and employees, heaven and earth, heart and mind, body and soul, science and religion, family and community, just to name a few, are all areas of potential conflict.

The old famous joke of the Jew who was stranded on a deserted island and was finally rescued after many years. Before being taken from the island he shows his rescuers his handiwork and they are quite impressed. He built himself a home as well as 2 other buildings. Upon inquiry he explained that the 2 buildings were 2 synagogues. Why do you need 2 synagogues? He responded, “The one over there I would never pray in”.

How do you resolve your conflicts?

Runaway
Fight
Let them step all over you
Make believe the conflict does not exist
Pray to G-d to help you
All of the above

What does the Torah say? For what purpose did G-d create the world? for conflict resolution. That is the purpose for creation. Conflict is not a necessary evil or evolution gone awry. Rather it is G-d’s reason for going through the trouble of creation. If you want to help G-d see his purpose for creation fulfilled then reflect on every conflict you have and realize that hidden in it is a beautiful light and that light can only be revealed when there is a conflict and it is properly resolved.

Where do conflicts come from? They come from our inability to truly see the inherent unity of the universe. If we could all see our true reality there would be no conflict. There also would be no way of truly revealing the great light that is revealed from conflict resolution. Is it worth it? G-d says it is and that is why he went ahead with the creation plan.

So how do you resolve conflict properly?

By looking beyond the physical and focusing on the soul. When we realize that conflict is here not for the purpose of causing long lasting fights, or for us to run from each other or to be stepped on but rather as the only way of revealing this great light. That will help us not get to wrapped up in our conflicts and rise above them and resolve them properly.

When we focus on the soul we are able to see the unity that exists in the world and there really aren’t any real conflicts.

This begins in our selves first. First we need to resolve our inner conflicts, the ones we have control over. The ones between body and soul, heart and mind and heaven and earth are the ones to start with. By studying Torah especially the chassidic and kabbalistic dimension will help in resolving these conflicts. Putting on Teffilin and lighting Shabbat candles are great mitzvot in helping resolve these conflicts as well.

As far as the other conflicts those require two people and is much more complicated. But after resolving our own inner conflicts it becomes easier to tackle the more challenging ones.

This is based on the teachings of the Baal Shem Tov, this year is 250 years since his passing.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

Vulnerable Mountain Climbers

Friday, May 14, 2010 - 2:15 PM

Vulnerable Mountain Climbers

Has the economic news got you down? Are your personal finances making it hard for you to sleep at night? Are you worried about the future?

This coming week is the special holiday of Shavuot, the celebration of the giving of the Torah. It can be quite difficult to celebrate when you are feeling down. When you are worried about the future it is hard to be happy now. Where can we turn for some good news, where can we find some peace of mind during these trying times? Is there anywhere we can escape to?

When G-d gave us the Torah, He chose to give it to us in a wilderness. It was certainly easier then finding a ballroom with seating for 3,000,000. Jokes aside, why would G-d choose such a G-d forsaken place (pun intended)? Why not bring the Jewish people to the land of Israel and give it to them there?

There are many answers given to this question giving us many perspectives and lessons. An answer with timely relevance is that in the wilderness we had nothing. We were without a homeland, we had no permanent shelter, we did not even have a natural food supply, and we had to rely on a daily miracle of Manna to survive. It was under these conditions that G-d gave us the Torah. When we were most vulnerable we received the Torah. This teaches us many relevant lessons: 1) Being most vulnerable can be the greatest catalyst for change and growth. 2) Even when we are most vulnerable we always have the Torah. 3) When we are most vulnerable the Torah is our mountain to lean on.

What is the Torah? The Torah is G-d’s story, the story of history, where we come from and where we are going.

Just imagine walking out of Egypt with millions of your family members and closest friends, and marching into the great Sinai wilderness, with limited food and limited water. Living in tents and not really knowing where you were going or what the future held for you. No stock portfolio, no permanent roof over your head, and a very hostile environment.

You have just narrowly escaped total annihilation by miraculously crossing the sea. Your survival is precarious at best.

Your eyes are closed and you are not feeling particularly good, you are worried about your future and the future of your family. You hear loud thunder and lightning and as you open your eyes you are standing at the foot of Mount Sinai. Moses is climbing the mountain and G-d begins to communicate, and He says, “Have no fear, you are not your stock portfolio, you are not your home, I am your G-d and you are my people that is who you are and we have a bright future together. Don’t get distracted and allow other things to become who you are, don’t worship them they are not you”.

This has carried us for many years and through the most difficult of times. This is the message for us in our time as well.

Sometimes we need to go out to the wilderness to be able to hear that message. When we are surrounded by so many things that are important but don’t really define us it can be hard to focus and hear the message.

Every day we need to take some time and go out into the wilderness and let go of all the things that aren’t really who we are and listen to G-d’s voice.

Everyday we have the opportunity to open the Torah and reconnect to the timeless message emanating from our own Mount Sinai.

This Shavuot let us all take some time and escape to a place within our souls that deeply remembers standing at the foot of that mountain. Let us replay that scene in our minds and reconnect with those comforting, empowering and enriching words G-d shared with us then and now.

Let’s do it together this coming Wednesday. Join us for the reading of those awesome words as we read them from the Torah.

See you at Sinai.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

Wine or Water

Friday, May 7, 2010 - 4:54 PM

Wine or Water

There was once a king who was visiting a town. In preparation for the king’s visit the town decided to fill a giant barrel with wine and present it to the king upon his arrival. Where were they going to get so much wine to fill the giant barrel? They came up with a brilliant idea; each family of the town would bring one flask filled with wine and pour it into the giant barrel and this way the barrel would fill with wine.

They placed a Giant barrel in the center of the town with a ladder reaching to the top and every day people lined up to pour their flask of wine into the barrel.

The day finally arrived and the king visited the town. The people were so excited to present the king with this wonderful gift. The king was shown the barrel and was given a kingly goblet. They filled his goblet with wine from the giant barrel. The towns people were shocked by the look on the king’s face as he drank the wine, the king was obviously very unhappy. When asked why he was so unhappy he responded, “It’s just plain water”.

It turns out that each family thought to themselves why should I be the one to pour in a flask of wine I will pour in water instead, I am sure no one will notice if there is just one flask of water among all that wine. Everyone in the town made the same calculation and so no one poured in wine but rather water instead. Everyone was relying on someone else.

I remember hearing this story when I was a child and it stuck in my mind. As I get older the story takes on more relevance and meaning.

The Holiday of Shavuot is approaching, the holiday when we receive the Torah on Mount Sinai. Whose responsibility is it that the Torah should continue? Who will make sure of the continuity of Judaism? The answer is each and every one of us.

The giving of the Torah was and is a unique historical event. Every Jew alive was present at the giving of the Torah indicating how the Torah belongs to each of us equally and that each of us is equally responsible for it. It does not only belong to the Rabbi’s, scholars and educated people, it is not only the property of the donors. It belongs to every man, woman or child, educated, ignorant, rich, poor and everyone in between. That is why we were all there.

The question is we will be putting in wine or water. Are we going to leave it for someone else or are we going to step up to the plate.

When the next cause, project or opportunity comes along will I stand up and be counted or will I imagine someone else doing it?

If I notice something that I feel needs to be corrected will I see myself as part of the solution and do my part or will I kvetch how no one is doing anything about it?

Recently there was a loss in the community, someone lost their mother, an email was sent out to the group regarding the loss and the shiva times. I noticed one of the people who attended and I was not sure how he knew the family, so I asked him. His answer was inspirational and powerful, “I didn’t know them, when I hear that someone had a loss I do my best to attend whether I know them or not”. Wow! I thought, this guy doesn’t just pour in any wine, he pours in the best and most expensive wine.

They say that the best marriage is between a woman whose mother did everything in the house, to a guy whose father did everything in the house. Then they are tripping over each other to do the work in the house. And the worst marriage is between a women whose father did everything in the house and a guy whose mother did everything in the house. Each one thinks that the other should be doing everything.

The same goes for our relationship with our own Judaism, our community and our people. Are we responsible or is someone else. Of course we need to know the difference between what is in our circle of influence and what is outside of it. We need to know what we can change and what we cannot. I am speaking of those things that are in your sphere of influence and you can do something about it.

This year let’s make Shavuot the holiday where we stand up tall and proud and not just pour in our obligatory flask of wine but into a holiday where we uncover the deepest part of our selves and share that with the people around us, illuminating ourselves, our community, our people and the world.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

Thank You

Friday, May 7, 2010 - 4:54 PM

Thank You

This past Sunday I was treated to a most wonderful surprise birthday party in honor of my turning 40 years old. My amazing wife Bassie together with many of you and my family put together a really meaningful and fulfilling event.

I know there are pictures taken of me when I came in capturing my surprised and delighted expression, but I wish that someone would have taken a panoramic picture to capture the scene that I was seeing. A virtual sea of beaming people with eyes shining with love. It is a scene I hope never to forget. There were lots of little surprises like the custom shot glasses that read, “I said L’Chaim at Rabbi Marcus’s 40^th”, and they were arranged in a large 40. there were the video presentations from my children and siblings and much more. But the part that means the most to me and one that I will cherish for many years to come was the Mitzvah Registry, where many of you took upon yourselves a mitzvah or many mitzvot in honor of my birthday. That is very special to me and is the greatest gift I could imagine.

A big big thank you to all that helped put this together, and to all those that came, and to all those that wanted to come, to all those that pledged Mitzvot, to all those that wrote cards and gifts. May G-d bless all of you with love, happiness, success, health, wealth, nachas, fulfillment of your dreams and hearts desires, peace and a meaningful life.

As I mentioned at the party, celebrating our birthdays is not because of how special we are or how accomplished and loved we are, which is always nice to hear and know, but rather a time to remember how important G-d thinks we are. He created us because only we can fulfill His cosmic dream and desire, go figure. And every year on our birthday and really every day we need to remember that and act with passion and intention, living in the moment and focusing on what our purpose is and how we can actualize it. Every mitzvah that we do and encourage others to do by teaching and by example, brings us closer to realizing G-d’s purpose for creating us and the entire universe.

The Rebbe asked that each one of us celebrate our birthdays not just privately but to invite family and friends and celebrate and reflect on the meaning of our lives and to make good resolutions to making it even more meaningful and purpose driven. To inspire ourselves and others around us to lead a more elevated, deeper and holy life, with vim and vigor. I am looking forward to being invited to your birthday celebrations.

You are all so wonderful and I am honored to be connected with you.

Again thank you so very much.

With much love and appreciation,

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

P.S. A special thank you to Wendy Lupul who not only took pictures and videos but posted them online as well.

Click here to view the photos

Click on the links below to watch the videos

Bassie’s speech: · Brother, et al, sing: · Young Marcus’ speech:

· Rabbi’s speech:

Torah Time Management

Friday, May 7, 2010 - 4:53 PM

Torah Time Management

Do you struggle with time management? Are you stressing out over all the things you have to do? Are you finding it difficult to juggle all your responsibilities? Would you like to accomplish more

We have all heard and read about time management, courses and books abound with advice on how to get a handle on your life and how to manage your time.

What does the Torah say? What has been the secret of our great leaders and their ability to do so much in such a short amount of time. Here are just 2 examples. The Rambam, Maimonides, a royal doctor, a great scholar and writer, teacher, mentor, spiritual leader and family person. Published many books and all that before there were computers or internet. Or Rabbi Shlomo ben Aderet, known as the Rashba (1235 — 1310). He became a successful banker and leader of Spanish Jewry of his time. He served as rabbi of the Main Synagogue of Barcelona for 50 years.

The Rashba was considered an outstanding rabbinic authority, and more than 3,000 of his responsa are known to be extant. Questions were addressed to him from Spain, Portugal, Italy, France, Germany, and even from Asia Minor. His responsa, which cover the entire gamut of Jewish life, are concise and widely quoted by halakhic authorities.

He also was a doctor, gave 3 lectures each day and managed to take a walk every day for health and relaxation.

How did they do it? How did they manage their time? What is the secret?

The previous Chabad leader was Rabbi Y.Y. Schnerson, and he was under the strict scrutiny of the KGB in Russia. One time he was traveling to Moscow on a very difficult and possibly dangerous journey, Most of us are nervous when we travel for any reason, how much more so when it involves danger. Therefore it was very surprising to the family around him when they observed him deep in thought and contemplation seemingly oblivious to what was going on. His son-in-law, Rabbi M.M. Schneerson, was there and commented on how amazing it was and was curious how he managed to be so calm? His response is the secret to the Torah’s view on time management.

In very simple terms it is about being present in whatever you are doing. If you are studying, the rest of the world does not exist, just you and what you are studying. If you are walking that is the only thing in the world right now. That has enabled the great rabbi’s to be able to be so calm at times of stress and has made it possible for them to accomplish the seemingly impossible.

Today we are extremely distracted; between our cell phones, emails, texts, internet, facebook, linkedin, twitter and all the other distractions in life, it can be very difficult to accomplish anything. The way to manage our time is to focus our attention and shut out everything else. When you are with your family for family time, no calls or checking the internet, when you are out on a date with your spouse no emails or texts, when you are praying only think about you and your relationship with G-d, when you are at work focus on the tasks and accomplishments related to your work and when it is Shabbat power down and rest. There is no stock market, no portfolio, no world, no distractions.

This is not only a way to be more productive it is also a way of be more G-dly. When we are present and focused we are acting in a G-dly way. G-d is always present with us, and G-d wants us to be present as well.

There is a famous Chasidic saying, “Whatever you are doing and wherever you are, be fully there and be present”.

We are right in the middle of the counting of the Omer, when we count every single day (in the evening) and make each day count. “Today is twenty four days, which is 3 weeks and 3 days of the Omer”. We can count each day and make each day and moment count by being present and focused in all our varied activities.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

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