Rabbi's Blog

I Need You

Do you feel needed? Have you ever felt unneeded?

The greatest gift of being human is the feeling that we are needed, that someone needs us, our family, friends, community and the world. The more we are needed the better we feel.

One of the worst feelings for a human being is the feeling that he/she is not needed G-d forbid. This explains empty nest syndrome, depression in seniors, and one of the causes of suicide. It also explains the challenges between men and women, naturally women know that they are needed and they have many people and things relying on them. Men on the other hand don’t naturally feel that they are needed or what they are needed for and therefore tend to sit and watch TV while their spouse fumes on the inside at what they perceive as laziness.

It is not they are lazy (although that is sometimes the case) but rather they need to be told what is needed of them and what they are needed for.

Ultimately we are happiest when we are needed and when we are successfully able to fulfill the need.

That is probably why this email will get more opens then most other titles. A nice idea will pique my curiosity, but that I am needed, that really gets my attention.

This week we read about the Israelites leaving Egypt. G-d says to Moses, tell Pharaoh to “Let my people go”. But the sentence doesn’t stop there. It continues “so that they can serve me”.

G-d is saving us from Egypt because he needs us to serve him. We are needed. Not just needed to help out our families, friends community or world but we are needed by G-d the creator of heaven and earth. He needs us.

This is not your typical religious view. This is the Jewish view. We are needed and that is why we were taken out of Egypt, which is why I am here alive today.

In the typical religious sense, we are good, behave and follow G-d’s laws so that good things will come to us and to our families. That is not the Jewish view. We follow G-d’s laws because He needs it. Of course there is a benefit to us but that is completely secondary

To clarify; G-d’s needs are not like ours, they are not limiting and debilitating, they are G-dly needs (or wants and desires).

So no matter who you are or what stage of life you are in, G-d needs you for something. You are absolutely needed and your help is invaluable.

What does G-d need? Look in the Torah, G-d listed all of His needs in there. There is another name for G-d’s needs; a Mitzvah (a G-dly commandment). Every time you do a mitzvah you are fulfilling a divine need.

But Rabbi, I am not religious? Great! Then you wont be doing the mitzvah because you like it you will be doing it because G-d does. Eventually you might enjoy it too which will make doing the mitzvah more enjoyable.

How liberating and freeing. And that is how we are able to escape our own personal confining “Egypt”.

So you are very needed and for that we should be eternally grateful to G-d for the greatest gift of all; being divinely needed.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus

A Love Letter to G-d

“When I first met you I knew you would bring me eternal happiness and for that I loved you. After getting to know you I have come to appreciate how much you do for me and for that I love you even more. Now I  have come to realize that I really want to be there for you and love you, not because of what you have done for me or what you will do for me but because I want to be there just for you”.

 The process of love is evolutionary, it evolves over time. When two people first meet their connection and attraction is rooted in what the other person can do for them. How they look, speak, think, act etc. all play a role in why we find the other person attractive.

 After we commit to one another we do things for each other that then creates a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the other. “You take such good care of me… You have helped me so much” are some of the sentiments we feel for someone who is doing things for us. These feelings help us feel love for the other person.

 The ultimate love is when it is not just about me, but when I can be there completely for someone else.

 In order to reach true love we need to be able to transcend ourselves, to rise above ourselves and love the other.

 If you do something for me and therefore I love you, do I really love you or myself? If you make me feel good and therefore I love you, do I love you or myself? So how do I reach transcendence?

 Transcending one’s self is a long term project and one that requires habits to help us become transcendent.

 The very first step is simply doing things that you know the other person would want. If they deeply love something and you can do that for them, you are beginning the process of self transcendence, especially if you don’t necessarily appreciate it or find it difficult to do. For example you know that your spouse really appreciates when you call if you are running late, and for whatever reason you find it difficult to do or you don’t appreciate why that is so important. If you go ahead and begin to do the activity of calling when you are late despite your own difficulties with it, you have begun the process of self transcendence.

 Do something today that will begin or further your transcendent journey. Do something for your spouse that you know they really would like and that you find difficult, do a mitzvah for G-d even though you don’t completely appreciate or understand it. Make this a regular part of your life, add this to your list of good habits and watch your love increase many fold.

 After that we come to realize that this is not just a habit that leads to true love, but actually this is the truest expression of my deepest love.

 Shabbat Shalom

 Rabbi Zalman Marcus

Who Really Cares About You?

Did you ever consider who really cares about you? Have you thought about who you should care about and why?

What would happen if G-d forbid you did not have your wealth, your special talent, personality or any thing that you have that is currently attracting people to you, fame, power etc. Who would still care for you and about you? I hope you would still have some friends.

The people who really care about you don’t care so much about those external matters, rather they are concerned and love you, the inner you.

And it works the same way with whom you should care about and love, not just the people who benefit you or the people you get something from, but rather you should care about people because you care about them.

I once heard a saying that “you can judge a person by the way they treat people that they have no benefit from”.

G-d demonstrates that for us in his commitment to us regardless of what happens to us. G-d promises us that he will never abandon us no matter how far we stray. As our prophets tell us, “No Jew will be left behind”. G-d’s commitment to us is unconditional.

In this weeks Torah portion G-d sends Moses to save the Jewish people. The Midrash tells us that the Jewish people had become immersed in the idolatrous practices of Egypt, to the extent that for some of them it was hard to distinguish them from their Egyptian neighbors.

Yet G-d kept his promise that He made to Abraham and took the Jewish people out of Egypt.

This is how we are to treat one another. To care for them not for what they can do for us but rather because they are our fellow Jew, our fellow human being.

As we get closer to the time when this will not just be a dream but a global reality let us do our small part in making it real in our life which will affect the rest of the world.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Zalman Marcus